How to Have a Rational Conversation – A Science-Forward Mindset

Illustration by Jo Rose Wilkinson - Instagram @jorose.w

Language - It's is such a strange thing, isn’t it? The way we use words, the way we interpret them, shapes everything about how we relate to each other. And what’s interesting to me is that the people we misunderstand—the ones whose words rub us the wrong way—are often the ones we need to understand most.

There’s something in that, I think. Almost like a survival instinct, or maybe a deeper kind of evolution happening. I wonder: why does society seem to get stuck in this place where we forget that the other side might actually have something valid to say?

I mean, think about it—when did “that’s valid” start to feel like an insult? It’s almost like acknowledging someone’s perspective has become too much to ask.

And I can’t help but wonder, what happened to the idea that a valid conversation doesn’t mean we agree on everything? A valid conversation can be messy. It’s about listening, and trying to understand—not just about trying to make the other person believe exactly what you believe. Maybe it’s less about winning and more about just being open enough to really hear someone else. Is that too idealistic? Maybe.

But here’s what I keep coming back to: in science, in communication, in culture, there’s a real gap in how we handle tough conversations. I can’t help but feel like it’s especially noticeable in the West, or at least in my experience.

We’ve gotten so used to the idea of “debating” instead of “discussing,” and we’ve lost the ability to connect with someone who holds a different perspective. I’m not saying I have the answers, but I really do think there’s something powerful in being open to what others think. If we truly respected someone’s opinion, wouldn’t we have a better understanding of where they’re coming from—even if we still don’t agree? And isn’t that worth something?

I mean, look at where we are right now. We’re living through such a sensitive time, and the way things are going doesn’t feel like the future we imagined. I’m sure a lot of us thought we’d be in a utopia by now, but here we are, watching what feels like a dystopia unfold before our eyes.

It’s funny, in a sad way—The Handmaid’s Tale seemed so far-fetched at one point, but now, it doesn’t feel so far off. It’s happening in parts of the world already, even if it’s hidden from view for those of us who are privileged enough not to face it head-on.

And that’s what’s tricky, right? We all feel like we deserve something better—a world that matches the visions we have in our heads.

But how do we get there? How do we really change things? How do we shift systems that are so ingrained, so powerful, that they seem impossible to alter? The truth is, I don’t know. We talk about saving the environment, about social change, but the way things are set up... it almost feels like the rich and powerful are the ones deciding how it all goes down, and the rest of us are left watching the world burn. How do we navigate that?

I think we’re entering a time where technology and war are starting to intertwine in ways we never really imagined. The planet is literally falling apart, and at the same time, it feels like we’re losing our ability to communicate. We can barely keep track of our own words, let alone have meaningful discussions. And maybe that’s why trying to connect with someone feels so difficult now—it’s like we’re gearing up for a fight instead of finding common ground.

Maybe we’re training ourselves for conflict rather than understanding. And with everything happening to the environment, it’s hard to feel hopeful. For someone like me, who’s so deeply moved by the beauty of the coral reefs, it’s devastating to watch them disappear. Some days, it feels like the only option is to stay in bed, overwhelmed by how much is slipping through our fingers.

But even with all that, I keep thinking: isn’t the answer somewhere in how we talk to each other? I’m not sure what the “right” way is, but maybe the key is not in changing minds, but in understanding them. If we can get back to the basics of conversation—open, honest, and respectful, without the pressure of always needing to agree—maybe that’s where we start. I don’t know. But I think it’s worth considering.